Oxygen not so good?
How To Get Your Partner To Stop Doing Or Saying ThatPersonal or business, theological or musical, all partners are gray in the dark. Oxygen can be painful and injurious, even lethal when used the wrong way.
That's right. Here's a case of oxygen being very bad, and unhealthy, too. The biggest problem with anger is that the second it's combined with oxygen. it grows, just as fire does. just as resentment does. When you know this in advance it gives you some of the greatest conceivable power over other human beings. If you know that saying what's on your mind is like throwing a full block clay of clay. you can throw it raw and untouched or you can throw it sculpted and refined, do you see how you have the opportunitity to control the outcome of conversations?
Business or pleasure, not liking something is not liking something. You're looking at interchangeable parts. Whatever it is that you don't like, whatever it is that's gor you angry or resentful, you never ever make a profit out of merely heaving it, that heavy and unshaped lump of clay, onto your partner in business or pleasure. Therefore, every lump of clay has to shaped properly before you toss it. If you read the last sentence correctly, it's missing the word "be" in that it should have read, "... every lump of clay has to be shaped properly." By tossing out to you an improperly shaped lump, you could either pick up on it or not pick up on it. If you did not pick up on it, I didn't get my profit, did I? If you did pick it up on it, then you are better equipped to appreciate the point that a lump of clay, a thought or principle or resentment, must be properly shaped in order to get delivered. Best of all, the profit is made because the writer reminds himself and herself if no one else is paying attention. At least ONE person in the conversation gets the point and, when they're bright enough, they take action on it immediately to glean the better and juicier fruits of profit.
Whatever it is that you don't like, whatever it is that has you angry or resentful, don't open your mouth until you think of AT LEAST one or two answers. Before you glibly say, "Okay, here goes: "Hey, stop doing that!" That, my friend or foe, is the unshaped lump. Let's give it some sculpting.
The universe does not tolerate or even appreciate vaccums. In order to get rid of something you have to replace it with something else. Whatever word or deed stimulated your anger or resentment, you can only get what you want by coming up with whatever it is you would accept, and then provide reasons for your partner to go that way instead of the way to produced your resentment or anger.
Those two most recent paragraphs are worth reveiwing repeatedly because some meanings do not come from the first reading, no human can make all logical connections at one perusal. It's wastefully arrogant to think so. No disrespect but some of us assimilate more information in a month than you do in a year, by far, and I'm still getting new meanings, new distinctions out of timeless classics such as "Ask more people more," and I "invented" the doggone phrase. (Shakespeare correctly posited for us that there is no original thought. The laugh comes in when you learn that he hoisted the phrase from the writings of a Jewish sage, Maimonides, who died long before Shakespeare was even born. Shakespeare got the joke and gave it, too.
Whatever satisfaction you think you get from blasting out an angry retort, you pay for it over and over and over again. Most of us do learn, at some point in time, to stop picking at a scab it we do not want a scar. Some of us learn this in single directions, such as the physical scab on an arm or leg wound, instead of using it across the board. Do you walk up to the lady down the block and remind her of the day that her son was shot and killed eleven years ago? It's ridiculous, isn't it? Why would you go ring a woman's doorbell every time you're annoyed and pick away at her wounds?
It's quite the same as yelling at your partner for repeatedly _____________. The only real work takes barely a minute or two, and that's coming up with reasons for your partner to exchange one word or sentence or activity into another. Life IS more than just about you. The faster you recognize the feeling of walking in someon else's mocassins, the sooner you will sharpen the tools that provide instant or near-immediate relief from whatever's bothering you. As with all PowerGems, you get at least double benefits out of each occasion: not only does your partner stop the behavior or statements that ignite your resentment, you BOTH get the benefits
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